I made some music

bs''d

I don't know who really needs/wants to hear this, but I put Mur's "Into Darkness" to a melody some time in November/December and have been playing around with it out-loud/in-my-head since then...here's my second or third try today at a self-standing recording; I decided it was good enough.

into darkness first acceptable draft

musings on light and darkness

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What is the mood of an empty will? It's certainly not sad. It wants, but what it wants is nothing.

It definitely exists. It has what it wants. What other kind of existence can a will have? What is the mood of a photon? It wants, so it acts. What is the mood of darkness? It also wants. It also acts. It wants what light wants, or it wouldn't let light have it. It acts where light doesn't? No. It acts everywhere.
Does the light listen to the darkness? Does the darkness listen to the darkness? They don't have to. They're one. One will, one action. Two men are fighting. They think they have two minds. One thinks he wants what the other thinks he doesn't. But they only have one body. His nails want what his arm wants -- they both want his arm to bleed. If the arm didn't want to bleed, it wouldn't. Simple as that. Their body exists. Its mind exists. Their minds exist. Their thoughts exist. He *wants* to think what he thinks -- and he *wants* it to conflict.

And those thoughts, as it turns out, want to be destroyed. His arm wants to be destroyed. His fist wants to be destroyed. He certainly wants to be destroyed.

The question is, will there be anything left? Of course.

He wants to live. He wants to live and be destroyed. He wants to think and have his thoughts destroyed. In a phrase, he wants, but what he wants is nothing.

It's hard to speak for the Jews as a whole. What I am about to say is probably wrong.

The Jews want a lot of things. They want a lot of things to live and be destroyed, and live anyway.  

The living anyway part is important. They want to lift up one foot, and have it fall again. To lift the other foot, and have it fall again. Then to lift the first foot, and so on.

That's why it's called halakha -- from "halakh" -- "He walked."

Notes on a video, notes on a story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx4562gesw0

 Particularly note 3:25 --> 8:20
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"The wise man began to praise the king very, very highly.  The king was very humble.  Wherever he had greatness, he had humility.  When a person is truly humble, the more he is praised and made great, the smaller and more humble he becomes.  Therefore, when the wise man praised him and spoke of his greatness, the king became very small and humble, until he literally became nothing.

The king then could not hold himself back.  He threw aside the curtain so as to see the wide man...who knew and understood all this.  In doing so, however, the king revealed his face, and the sage saw him."

("The Humble King", Rabbi Nachman's Stories, by R. Aryeh Kaplan, pp. 134-135)
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 Think of momentum as...well, spiritual state.  A mind hoIds many possible actions, hopes, fears..."position" might be thought of as a set of imagined situations, and "momentum" as one's ability to created a desired/undesired outcome from that situation.  All other properties (Pauli exclusion, energy, mass, uncertainty) can also be transferred, with some work.  I hope I get to do that work, but it might just remain here as a seed.

Learn humility from the neutron star.  And, if you wish, learn much more.  Why, in a "knowing-he-must-collapse" state, would the king be forced to open the curtain?  Why, in that state, does he never (to the eyes of others) collapse?

I wish I knew how to better explain this...there is a lot of overlap between the phenomena described in that video, and this story.

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Other notes:

1. With momentum comes frequency.  There exists a lesson in Likutei Moharan (60-70 range) which describes the difference between someone learning from the tzaddik face to face and learning from a book, that they'll be energized "just right".  If a star holds many frequencies, to the point where that space continually expands, then the process described in this video may be a good way to visualize the concepts of that lesson.

2. As far as Pauli exclusion principle applying in the world of mind.  There exists another lesson in Likutei Moharan (unknown location) which describes a "ladder" of madregas/spiritual levels, and no two people can occupy the same position at the same time, and describes the dynamics of moving on that ladder.  This video may be useful in visualizing that lesson as well.

December 8

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I am working on youtube videos covering responses to a few different texts.  Some of them are...edgy...and I am nervous that simple media inexperience will prevent them from working as they might.

One is already up:  Principle of Syntropy.  It's not good.  I hope to re-upload once I've done a few more.

The next will likely be much longer, but iy''h at least slightly edited.

November 28

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Well, that was a lot of silence.  It's been a busy week.  If you live in the states, I'm sure you understand.

November 28

My uncle decided to send me an internet version of something the Torah teaches about atheism.  I appreciated this.  I know it means I'm on the right track with my studies, actions, and writings right now.  This is a bridge that will be built.  I won't share the teaching at this point on this blog..maybe in context, but not out of context.

I have been bothered for a long time by another person's behavior.  They were assigned a title with power, which cannot be revoked.  They seemed to overstep that title's bound.  I wondered about why, and was having trouble not judging.

I got an answer this week.  It was very precise.  I was put under the same perception he was under [though transposed to a cashiering context] , and was made to understand the special factors at play in his case that made not overstepping so difficult.

And with the help of some miracles, I was even held back from overstepping!  Always nice to know someone's looking out for me. :)

"klal uprat uklal, i atah yachol lidon ela k'ein haprat"

Answers are always nice.  I am glad to understand that person better.

November 19

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After my November 18 post, I was glad to read Tzvi Kilov's piece, "When a Non-Jew Asked What I Believe", and see some of my frustrations echoed there.

(Except because of his choice of audience/venue/voice, he waxes poetic instead of just saying "I'm just trying to be true to myself and end up with all these contradictions.".)

It amazes me, today like yesterday, that the Jews are set to be pitted against "perfect faith".  I know this will come out for good, and I pray there won't be too much bad nursing in the meanwhile.

The combination of this knowing and praying leads to me being really scared to jump into the role that I think I'm designed to have in what comes next.  I want to keep writing.  Writing is safe.  I want to stop writing.  I want to stick with connecting with people I already feel safe around.  Strangers are scary.  And especially the ones with the, umm, "Israeli" mindset, i.e. the ones I would grow most by reaching out to.  And I feel rude trying to connect with people through anything more than writing or pure audio, whom I met over the internet.

(Alright, there's two true sentences in the above.  Continuing though...)

Armored Skeptic's character gives me courage.  Sargon of Akkad's non-character gives me courage.  I know I shouldn't start on youtube unless a desire emerges for me to do so...I tried once and quickly realized my mistake.  But perhaps if I hide my face...(See Likutei Moharan 60 for an archetype of why this might help...My videos would probably not be strictly "torah", but they would probably be something intense.  Namely, they would be me.  I am intense. xD)

We'll see.  I need to think of a good costume.

Beginnings -- concept expansion

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I'd just like to talk a bit more about something briefly mentioned in the November 6/7/8 post:

This effort is already a flop, but that is utterly OK.  Beginnings are all about the flopping.  Think Magikarp, or Feebas.  (Or look at Likutei Moharan 62:5)

I'm going to take some time here to discuss the ideas in this lesson from Rabbi Nachman, as I understand them.  They are simple, but important.

First, a translation of the relevant part of LM 62:5 is in order.  (i.e. I don't know that everyone still reading at this point is interested in learning about fasts, or "sparks", or speech, so let's get to the readily accessible part.)

The main aspect of a fast is only when we regard the hours when we initiated fasting as important.  For instance, when a person fasts for two days -- the second day, which is rendered 'more important' [than the first day], isn't [more important] because of itself, but rather because [on the second day] we 'review'/'go back to' the first day -- then the second day is regarded as a greater merit [than the first].

And similarly,  the essence of all things is the initiation, because "all initiations are difficult" (Mechilta, Jethro, as clarified in the commentary of Rashi), because [the thing] 'goes out' from one extreme, over to another extreme [Jeremy's Note: c.w. Rambam, Hilchot Deot 3:1], but after the initiation he enters into habit ['momentum' may be more literal here] and it's not quite as difficult for him.  And thus, every day that he distances himself from his initial change, the thing becomes easier, and he enters into habit.

It is thus found that the main part of the effort of the work of all the days is only in the initiation, and that a person must 'turn' back, towards the very first day, when he began to develop his ability to put [his desire to do good from his current situation] into practice and [began] to fast, which was the beginning of repentance -- for the initiation was difficult for him, and he went from one extreme to another -- and on every day he must 'turn back' in order to receive strength from the initiation.

Honestly, I am proud just to have put that into English, even if it's still unreadable for all but the patient.  If someone non-ironically wants, I will return to it.  Even if nobody does, I hope to share some examples, to ground the idea.

(Must go, lots of important cashiering to do! :D :D [I seriously love my job right now.  I know this is weird, but I really enjoy it.])